Coded Geekery

So What Did You Do This Time?

February 20, 2017

Recently, when my wife and I finally made the decision to separate and I found a place to move into, I decided to call my parents and let them know that I was moving out and that we just want to give each other space while still co-raising our daughter together and staying friends.

Their first words…

So what did you do this time?

Followed by

I’ve expected this call for a long long time

And finished off with

Who else have you told?

See, when it comes to my family, it’s always been that way. Growing up, I was the one they expected to always fail and my kid brother was the one who could not make any mistakes in their eyes.

I can’t say I blame them, he is their biological son they were told they couldn’t have and I’m just the kid they adopted to save their marriage.

My brother stayed home and worked in the family business, then when that closed down, he re-trained in a new skill and went to work, staying in our hometown.

Whereas I went through college and then quickly left home to work elsewhere.

All the way on the other side of the country for the record, where I’ve stayed aside from the occasional trip back there every few years so my daughter can spend time with family.

Anyhow, there’s nothing bitter here, their response was what I fully expected.

But how could their response have been different? They could have offered words of support (which by the way, they did offer to my wife). They could have asked if I was ok, or if I needed anything since I was starting over from scratch once again.

But no, instead they were more interested in what I did wrong.

More interested in the I told you so.

More interested in who they could tell about it, since that meant they could get attention from others.

They always do this every single time.

Now granted, this is my second marriage so they’ve been informed about this happening before. They also said the same thing then too now that I think about it.

But still…

Is a little support too much to ask for?

Just a tiny little bit of support is all I’d like from them for once.

For me, I’ve always been more empathic about things. It’s not about who I can tell about something about someone else, it’s about what the other person is feeling or needs.

There’s no point asking what X did to mess things up, since you’ll never get the full story, X will always say one thing, Y will always say something else, and X and Y never equal the same thing (except when X does equal Y).

In this case, as I said above, it wasn’t anyone’s fault. We decided to live apart and stay friends and co-raise our daughter. Which means she has two homes to go back and forth to, and two bedrooms to call hers.

Roger Stringer

Written by Roger Stringer, Coded Geekery is a blog designed to give me a forum to talk and think. You should follow me on Twitter